Not Feelin' It............  

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I guess I have been caught up in my own little world lately. I'm on the computer mostly for work, and the occasional FB thingy....(can't get away from that for some reason.) Work has unfortunately become just that.....work. I used to enjoy my days, but lately it's just a job and I'm pretty sure it's because of all the rest of the stuff that goes on.

For those that didn't know. My father is not well. He has along with emphezyma, Bronchiectasis. So my parents spent a week in Stanford while they ran tests on him to decide if he would make a good candidate for a lung transplant. It turns out that he very well may make the cut for a double lung transplant. I never thought I would say that I'm happy to hear that my dad could receive something like this.

I've watched him go from being out of breath on occasion, to taking breathing treatments once a day, to now taking breathing treatments 4 times a day while being hooked up to oxygen all the time. To say that it's disturbing is to minimize it. I know that he is feeling sorry for himself, and I try to keep him out of that funk. It's not easy to tell somebody in that shape to quit acting like a baby but I find that as long as we continue to treat him like we always have things seem to be a bit easier. He doesn't like the loss of freedom and I don't blame him one bit. I help where I can without seeming to be too intrusive.

It turns out that they aren't really sure what gave him this. They thought at first it was his smoking. He hasn't smoked in almost 30 years and they thought it was residual damage from that, then they found out that he worked for a chemical company making pesticides back in the 70's. They have concluded that it is more likely this was the cause of this disease.

So now we wait for news from these doctors. It's an odd feeling to wait while you realize that total strangers are getting together to discuss whether your father deserves a chance to live or not. The staff at Stanford has been nothing short of wonderful to my father as well as the rest of my family and for that I'm eternally grateful. They don't treat him like just another patient, they treat him like a friend and I couldn't ask for more.

So here I sit wondering what to do with myself. I decided that maybe this would be a good time to just give a little update and say "I'm still here." Forgive me for the absence, I will continue to try and get here as much as I can. In the meantime I will tell you to make sure that you let your loved ones know what they mean to you. I am lucky because no matter what my father knows that I love him. He knows that because I have the chance to still tell him. I get to still be with him and no matter how much time he has, be it a year or 20, he will always know that.

My hero isn't quite the physical figure he once was, but I find that no matter, he still has the right stuff on the inside. I could only hope to hold up as well as he has so far. All I can say is be strong pop, and don't quit fighting. We are gonna beat this...........

This entry was posted at Tuesday, July 27, 2010 and is filed under , , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

9 comments

Oh, Ben...I will pray for you.
I know how tough it is when you realize that a parent is mortal, and may not be around forever.
I went through it with my dad several years ago.
Hang in there...

July 28, 2010 at 6:12 AM

Bendigo...John...I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through, I've never faced anything like this. I hope everything works out for the best bud. Your father is in my thoughts.

As I said before, if there is anything at all I can do please don't be afraid to send me a facebook message, no matter how small.

You'll make it through alright my man.

-Reid

July 28, 2010 at 8:46 AM

Thanks guys, I'm sure things will work out the way they are supposed to. I appreciate the thoughts.

Invidus...Still coming california way this summer???

July 28, 2010 at 8:53 AM

Yeah man! That is still the plan :)

July 29, 2010 at 12:53 PM

i am so sorry about your dad.
that's terrible.

remaining positive is really, the most important thing you can do.

July 29, 2010 at 8:05 PM

Bendigo, I sincerely wish with all my heart that your father is going to get better. Forget about us and spend the time with your father. (although I was glad to get some news from you my friend) Oh man, I'm really crossing my fingers for this to work-out!

July 29, 2010 at 10:56 PM

It's great that he might get a transplant! I watched my uncle go through something similar, but no transplant. I'll keep you both in my prayers.

July 30, 2010 at 12:32 PM

Lots of prayers and big hugs sent your way. Our dads will always be our heros...no matter what state they are in. It's hard to see our parents age or get sick. Thinking of you and your family...

July 31, 2010 at 4:21 PM

It's strange but we never realize that age is creeping up on us all even though we don't realize it. Even though we take a long look in the mirror and see our wrinkles and age spots, our spirits never get old. So, it is hard to see a loved one grow old and have to pass on, but even harder to have one die unexpectedly like my beloved dad did at age 51. I hope the best for your dad and you, may God bless you all.

August 15, 2010 at 6:02 PM

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