whoah. I mean, that is tragic... the path he chose and the decisions he made. I think playing the "what if" game is an exercise in futility. What if you had stayed friends? What if he had never met his girlfriend? What if he still committed a villainous crime even with your friendship? These questions can be haunting to be sure. I have been in an eerily similar situation. People ultimately make their own choices. Truly sad. I am sorry for the loss of your friend... will you visit him or write to him?

I have often thought of writing to him..Have started a dozen times. I finally decided that he is in a different life than the one we shared. If he decides sometime down the road to write, I will respond but otherwise I'm going to leave it as is...

yeah the what if games can suck if you let it get on your back that's for sure...

You did NOT fail him as a friend. There isn't anything you could have done to have changed the outcome -- that's all him and his own personal demons. Don't play the 'what if' game... you'll never win... It's alright to wish things had happened differently, but don't blame yourself.

It is always easier to look back and know what we should have done. You did what you had to do at the time. It is sad that such a tragedy had to happen, but I doubt that you could have made a difference or stopped it. The mold was already cast. If anyone is to blame, it should be his parents. Unfortunately he made a tragic mistake and now he has to pay the consequences. I think you have done all you can do. You should feel no regret...sadness maybe, but no regret on your part.

There is nothing for you to regret. He chose his path. Maybe you could have helped him change his destiny, maybe not. All you can do is live your life the best you can at time you are doing it.

That's the funny thing about regret...we feel it, whether we could fix that thing we regret or not... Agreed the what if game is pointless, although I think we all tend to play it from time to time with or without consent...

BTW..he never blamed anybody but himself...he absolutely was a grown man when he did it and knew what he did after the fact. Still wonder sometimes if I could have made that difference...I know it doesn't matter now though..

You could have been there even more for him and you'd be the one not here on this earth today.

You cannot dwell on the what ifs in this case as you can't control anyone's life but your own.

I completely agree with you as this being one of the toughest things you've ever had to deal with in life.

I too had a friend who actually threatened to kill me and my friend, and it turned out she committed double murder within days of her threats. Days went by without a trace of her being around. That was scary. I don't know where she is now but she got two consecutive life sentences. This was part of the T/F game and the full explanation will be posted later.

Sorry that you had to go through this for one thing. The other thing is that you have to realize that he was going to ultimately do this no matter what.

If you want to blame anyone, blame those parents of his for not raising him the right way.

Children do not enter this earth asking to be treated like shit nor should they be. They learn and carry on with life from that which they are told and that which they see.

Think about it, and maybe it will make you regret a tad less.

Lisa Marie took the word right out of my mouth: whoah. That is one story that you don't hear every day. It's a really tragic thing that's happened, but you don't know that he wouldn't have done it sooner or later, had you been there for him or not. No one knows. Like Lisa Marie (once again) it's a big What if? situation. Don't blame yourself. Please.

That was a long time ago...I don't blame myself, but as you see I am definitely saddened by it...Every now and then I can become a bit melancholy over it all...Sometimes it's just good to type it and clear it from your mind for a while :)

Thanks for all the positive remarks...

You can't be responsible for everyone.... You're raising responsible and courteous children and your job is to make sure that you make them the best people they can be....

Besides, what if you had done everything right, and it hadn't changed anything?

Hope you don't mind but I am featuring this post on the Friday Five this week. Details to follow...

Wow Bendigo. That must have been extremely difficult to write. But I do not think you should have any regrets because none of this was in your hands. I truly believe that things happen for a reason and there was a REASON that you did not respond to him. A reason that took you out of the equation.

I am glad that you didn't, because there were any number of things that could have happened.

Having said all of that, I am sorry that this happened. I am sorry he had to live the life he was given. It's unfair. But you were his friend and you did everything you could. So, no regrets, maybe just fond memories of your childhood friend.

xoxoxo

This was a very powerful post.

Wishing you well -H.

thanks hunter...appreciate that...

Similar thing happened to my Dad and his bestfriend growing up. Great post, but tragic. I understand though, because I know how my Dad feels about his friend.

Wow. That certainly brought me to tears. That's really rough. His childhood is tragic all by itself, without even adding the other mess to it.

Breaks my heart hearing of kids neglected of parental love.

"What if" is a terrible game. You can never win it. You will never be satisfied in it.

Without knowing all the facts, I am assuming that his actions were 'spur of the moment' rather than premeditated in which case there was absolutely nothing you or anyone else could have done about it.

I'm here because of Ian's feature on his blog. Thanks for sharing that story...his mistakes are a tragedy, but you went a different path. Sometimes we never know why, but at least you can be thankful you didn't go down his road or get in the way of it at the time.

Found you and following you from Daily Dose of Reality.

Wow! What a horrific tale. I am so sorry. Most of us regret stupid crap like "Wish I had called that cute guy from my Sociology class" or "If only I hadn't quit Weight Watchers back in 1989, I'd be smokin' hot today."

This post vaguely reminds me of "Dear Zachary," a film we just saw via Netflix, which dealt with lost lives/obsessive love. I kept thinking that the poor guy's ex must think every day, "If only I didn't break off our engagement, he never would have met his killer and be alive today."

I am so sorry about your friend. I know you have mentally moved on for the most part - as you stated, but we are all full of some sort of regret from time to time.

Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing

Wonderful comments from all of you Thanks so much!!