I remember when I was in my freshman year of High School the big deal was Sony Walkman. It was a very cool thing to be able to carry a cassette player (bit pre ipod here) and a head set to listen to your favorite music whenever you wanted. A few of my friends had one. They were rather expensive and so the families with the cash were of course buying them for the spoiled kids they were raising. I say this with a memory of the envy I felt. I always wanted to be one of the rich kids that had everything whenever they chose.

Christmas came around that year and under the tree was a small rectangular box. I had no idea what could be in a box so small. Since I didn't wear jewelery (a lot of guys wore gold chains back then, not my thing) I hadn't a clue what it could be. I opened it a bit slowly trying to figure out what it could be before the package was revealed, but without the slightest luck. It was a plain brown box, no identifying features on it. Having decided that I couldn't figure it out I tore open the box and what could be in there but a cassette player just LIKE a Sony Walkman. This particular one wasn't a Sony though. It was an emerson and unlike the cool silver case that came with the real deal. This one had a leather carrying pouch. Now by my adult self standards, this one would absolutely be better than the crappy plastic cased silver walkman. Unfortunately I wasn't judging by adult standards, I was judging by teenager standards. I didn't say anything for a couple of minutes. My dad was immediately apologetic as he explained about this cassette player he bought me. He tried to tell me how he understood that it wasn't the fancy brand, but it did all the things that the other one did, and it even had a few features that the cool one didn't. I could see on his face that he wished that he could afford the fancy name brand. I could feel inside that I really wanted the fancy name brand. However this was far more important than some stupid cassette player. My pea brained 14 year old self realized that too. I told him it was just about the coolest thing I could ask for. I immediately ran into my room and found a cassette (AC/DC) and started playing it. The smile on my dad's face was a great as if I would have received a brand new car.

The hard part was bringing the player to school the following monday. I knew that there would be other kids with new Sony Walkman's and mine was just not cool. I didn't care that much and was determined to bring it and in fact use it at school. I got to my first break of the day and pulled out the player and sure enough there was a couple of other kids with the cool name brand, BUT there were also a couple kids looking at me carrying the same player that I had. Relief washed over me in a matter of seconds. I was at ease and those kids and I had formed an unspoken bond right then and there. We ended up seeing each other at lunch and talking about what kinds of music we liked. I made 3 new friends that day. We aren't the best of friends now, but we still see each other from time to time and still talk.

I find myself at my fathers junction now. My kids wanted a certain game and I just think it's a bit expensive and they are still pretty young. So I bought them a knock off version of it. I got it for them for no occassion other than I wanted to get it for them. In many ways I'm still a kid at heart and this is one of those little pockets of proof that I'm not grown up yet.

My kids saw the game and realized immediately that it wasn't the one they wanted. They didn't bat an eye though, they were all smiles and managed at least 5 or 6 thank you's as we opened the box and got all the wires plug into their appropriate places. Now granted the games are a lower quality than the real thing, and the selection is a bit less, but for the money it's a pretty good deal.

I overheard my middle son talking to his friend on the phone. He was explaining that they had a new game at home, that dad picked up for them. I heard him tell his friend "We don't need the other one, this thing is cool, and besides dad likes it so it's probably better anyway." My son gave me that same smile that I gave my dad all those years ago. I don't know if he said that cause he knew I was listening or not, but it doesn't even matter. Either he really believes that what I like is good enough to be awesome, or he believes that my feelings are enough to be saved with a little white lie. I think my parenting is coming full circle with my childhood and it's a pretty good feeling....