He lived in an abusive household. His mom was strung out on dope and his dad, well he didn't know his dad. The guy that shared the house with his mom beat him up from time to time. Most of the beating went to his younger brother. I can't imagine the life they led for the first 9 years of his life. They had no power sometimes, often cooking off of a camping range in the kitchen with cans of sterno cooking fuel. The meals consisting mostly of ramen noodles and cool aid. The house was dirty all the time and his mom was stoned and the "father" was just mean.

He came to our house at the age of 11. He was quiet and a complete introvert by this time. My wife and I felt that we had to help this kid out. We couldn't handle all three of the children, but we felt that surely one more would be ok. He didn't want to talk about anything, especially to me. I was a man so that meant that I was probably mean and nasty like the last man he knew. He was much closer to his aunt. She had been around him when he was a baby, back before it was totally terrible at that house. She was only 10 years older than him, so there was a closer bond than between he and I. I figured he could use some team activities to get him to connect with some other kids so we signed him up for baseball. I was coaching and figured this might be a good way for us to bond. We had a great season and he really took to baseball. We won our city championship that year for the minor leagues and you couldn't have asked for a better ending. He hit a single that scored the go ahead run. I felt that maybe we had made some progress.

After baseball it was cubscouts, but that didn't work so well for him. We then tried bowling. That was a hit and he did better than average at that as well. The kid is a fairly decent athlete. He just had zero self confidence. We worked on that and tried to keep him active and connected. It seemed to work for a while. There were a few calls from school, but for the most part he did his work and everything was going ok.

The teen years came and he became a little bit rebellious. He wanted to live with his grandparents. My wife and I didn't like that idea, but we figure that maybe it could be good. It turned out to be a bad thing. There was no discipline in that house. They pretty much let him do as he wished. Stay up late, pretend he was sick and stay home. Don't bother finishing homework, no problem he wouldn't get in trouble for that.

It lasted his sophmore year and then he wanted to come back. There were other things that led him to going to his grandparents. He and my wife fought often ( they were almost like siblings). It was becoming a real problem for her especially with our small child. We didn't feel that it was healthy for him to see all the conflict going on. But I was promised that things would be different. Things had changed and he was going to walk the straight and narrow. It lasted for a while. Don't get me wrong there were little hiccups in the road. He got drunk one night with some friends (I wish I only did that once as a teen). Regardless of all the little and sometimes not so little stuff. We got him through high school. The one other thing he had developed on his own was a love for the guitar and I must say he's good.

So high school is over and he finds a little job, telling us that he didn't really see college in his future. I explained that I understood, but some form of higher learnig could only do good for him. He decided against it and at 19 he was out on his own, with a couple of friends. They had jobs and were renting a house together. I was happy for him, and felt that considering his start he was gonna be ok.

He lost his job and mooched off his friends for a while. Couldn't find another job (I know it's hard) and ended up moving to another town with some other friends to look there. Got in a little trouble and came back to town and here he is again.

I must say that I feel the failure. I honestly thought that he had a shot, but I can't put the drive and determination into him. I have come to the realization that he thinks the world owes him something. And while deep down inside I might agree, because nobody deserves the hand he was dealt. I also get angry, because not everybody gets the second chance he got.

My obligation to him ended when I saw him through high school healthy and graduated. I feel now that his obligation is to me. He needs to show me that he learned something from his 8 years with this family. We are far from perfect, but we did everything we could to help him become a young adult with some hope for the future. I might have failed him at some level by not being there everytime, but he has failed me by not being determined and driven.

It's a sad time for me, but I have come to the conclusion that there isn't much else I can do. He has a little time left and he will have to find other ways besides my wife and I for his living arrangements. He is like a son to me in many regards, but he has never shown me that level of respect that my other children do. I am hoping that he clears his head and realizes that we are here for support not To support him.

Family is great and the most important thing in my life, but sometimes it just hurts too damned much....